if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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