You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
