i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
