I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
