Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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