I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
