I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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