TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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