I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
