found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
