gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
