Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
