I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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