Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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