I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
