Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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