Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
