White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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