It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
