This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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