Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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