I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
