WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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