I have demons in me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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