I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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