Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
