you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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