I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I deserve this hangover.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
