Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
