i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
