Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
