I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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