I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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