M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
