I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
