Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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