I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
