Soap is not a condiment
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
