dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
