soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
