I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
