Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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