Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
