we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
