i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
