nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
