Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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