ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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