I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
