I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
