i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
